I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
