Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize