Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
