Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
