Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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