i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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