yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
