I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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