his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
