Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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