porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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