38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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