I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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