did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
