I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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