I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize