we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
