hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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