I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
