I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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