Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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