Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
