My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
