Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
