I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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