Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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