Just fell off a train. Bad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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