So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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