So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
