I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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