Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
