Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
