If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
