1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
