a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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