Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my liver is dry heaving
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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