Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
