Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
