we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
