so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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