either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
