the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
