i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
