remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
