So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize