he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
