there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
