i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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