she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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