before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
