Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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