I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
