i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
