I cannot find my penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
