I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
