If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A+ Viking dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
