Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
