he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
