i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
