my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are the jesus of drinking
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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