I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
