hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
