woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
then he tried to convert me to islam
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize