Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
