then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
