its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
