someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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