Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize