I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
