Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Randomize
