I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
