i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
