why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
