Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im part way to drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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