hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
