at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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