Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's the barista slut.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
