hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
