their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
