I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
