now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
