yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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