I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We left the knife in your bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
