Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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