Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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