Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
