it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
