Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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