Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize