I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
