oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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