One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
