No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think i have two assholes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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