pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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