i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
