No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
