How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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