Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
