So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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