I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
